Music

Music has played such a huge roll in my life ever since I was fifteen. The way my emotions would connect to the lyrics of the song always amazed me. There was a time when I could relate to all different genres. That is when I knew that I was truly a relatable person who was in touch with my feelings and thoughts. Most people in my family would probably describe me as dramatic or high maintenance but I disagree. I believe that I am someone who tries to see the reality and get in touch with my emotions. Someone who does not need a lot, does not ask for a lot, but just a go with the flow type of person sometimes. Yes, there are times when I don't want to do certain things, but I will not pitch a fit and cry about it. When I was in a relationship I absolutely adored love songs, as anyone in love should. Every song was relatable to my boyfriend and they always made me smile. When I went through the breakup, sad songs were my go too. But after realizing how much sadder those songs made me, I quit listening to music in its entirety. Christian music was not soothing and happy songs made me want to cry from past memories they were associated with. For almost 6 months I could not listen to any song that reminded me of love or my ex. It was far too painful-songs of marriage and family just made my heart ache unbearably. Then one day, a former song came on that created nothing but memories of my past love. My heart ached as I listened to the lyrics, but when I reached to turn it off, I couldn't. Right then and there I realized that I needed to stop running from the past and my pain. I needed to allow myself to feel those lyrics and be able to smile at the fact that at one point those lyrics were all I wanted. Love, marriage, children, family, a happily ever after. Now when I hear those songs about love I don't cry or turn them off. Instead I just smile because hopefully one day I will be able to find that again. God has my heart in His hands. He knows every plan, every move I will make. He knows the man I will marry, the children I will hopefully have one day. God knows the intentions of my heart, and I truly believe He will grant me those desires one day if it is His will of course. I'm not running anymore from love. Yes, I am terrified of ever being in love again, because it is incredibly difficult and scary to give your heart to someone not knowing if they will break it or not. That is why Proverbs 4:23 is my life verse. The human heart is most powerful thing on this earth. Love can make us or break us. Love broke me, but now I am rebuilding my heart and God is putting it back together piece by piece. I am thankful for music that makes life a little easier sometimes. Something I can relate too when things are not going too well, or when they are going great. So many songs about worshiping the One true King have saved my life. I have spent too many days of my life crying and being sad or burdened by lifes' trials. Now, I choose to be happy and enjoy life for all that it is instead of what it is not.